Poor Sanji
by ShikaTachidoriKitsuneHebiTaka
Summary: Aww...Poor Sanji, left alone with Luffy while Zoro sleeps, Nami studys, and the rest of the crew is out. Little SongFic! i no own One Piece.
1. Chapter 1

This is a parody of a parody. I saw something like this in (Rolling InThe Deep Blue Sea) and I wanna try. Might do some more if this one turns out well.

Payphone, by Maroon 5.

A lovely day on the Sunny, but for some reason Luffy is…singing. Full out. With only Sanji, Zoro, and Nami onboard. Well, Zoro's asleep, and Nami is studying in their library. For now. Poor Sanji.

_I'm at a payphone trying to call home_

"You wanna go back to the East Blue?" Sanj said, shocked._  
All of my change I spent on you  
_"HEY! THAT'S MY MONEY!"

_Where have the times gone  
_"Uhh…I think Chopper has the newspaper somewhere."

_Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?  
_"NAMI-SWAN IS MINE!" _  
Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember  
_"Luffy, I don't remember anything like that."

_The people we used to be  
_"We had past lives?"

_It's even harder to picture  
_"Uh, Luffy, you broke our camera with Usopp, remember?"

_That you're not here next to me  
_"No, I'm over here.

_You say it's too late to make it  
_"You broke it a month ago?"

_But is it too late to try?  
_"Yes, we threw it away."

_And in our time that you wasted  
_"When did I ever waste time on this ship!"

_All of our bridges burned down_

"Well sorry that I can set my foot on fire, ."

_I've wasted my nights  
_"Really? I couldn't tell, after all, you doing late-night games of tag with Chopper, Brook and Usopp isn't that much of a lead."

_You turned out the lights  
_"No, that's Frankey's job."

_Now I'm paralyzed  
_"You're swinging on the mast."

_Still stuck in that time when we called it love_

"WHAT THE HELL?"

_But even the sun sets in paradise  
_"'Course it does, stupid."_  
I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
_"you already said that…"

_All of my change I spent on you  
_"And that too…"

_Where have the times gone  
_"Dammit, stop repeating yourself!"

_Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?  
_"Again, stop it! Shut up!"_  
If happy ever after did exist  
_"This world is filled with pirates, and you believe in a happy ever after?"

_I would still be holding you like this  
_"AGAIN, WHAT THE HELL?

_All those fairytales are full of sh*t  
_"Reeaaalllyyy? I didn't know!"

_One more stupid love song I'll be sick  
_"I agree, so shut up!"_  
You turned your back on tomorrow  
_"You made me!"

_Cause you forgot yesterday  
_"DAMMIT LUFFY, SHUT UP!"

_I gave you my love to borrow  
_"When was this?"

_But just gave it away  
_"Again, when the hell was this?"

_You can't expect me to be fine  
_"No, because you get in a fight with everyone with meet!"

_I don't expect you to care  
_"I DON'T!"

_I know I've said it before  
_"YES, YOU HAVE!"

_But all of our bridges burned down  
_"URGGHHH!"

_I've wasted my nights  
_"SHUUTT UP!"

_You turned out the lights  
_"NO I DIDN'T!"

_Now I'm paralyzed  
_"I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PARALYZED IF YOU DON'T SHUT IT!"

_Still stuck in that time when we called it love  
_"GO TO HELL!"

_But even the sun sets in paradise  
_"Luffy, please be quiet?"_  
I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
_"Please?"

_All of my change I spent on you  
_"I'll give you as much meat as you want?"

_Where have the times gone  
_"…"

_Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?  
_"And I won't make you eat anything green for a month?"

_If happy ever after did exist  
_"Two months?"

_I would still be holding you like this  
_"…"

_All those fairytales are full of sh*t  
_"DAMN YOU!"

_One more stupid love song I'll be sick  
_At this point, poor Sanji is being sick, and is puking over the side of the ship._  
Now I'm at a payphone...  
_And then Zoro opens his eye._  
_"Zoro, dammit, help me shut up Luffy!"_  
_**Man work that sh*t  
**"NOT YOU TOO!"

**I'll be out spending all this money while you sitting round  
**"YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY MONEY!"

**Wondering why it wasn't you who came up from nothing  
**"WELL SORRY THAT I WAS STARVING ON AN ISLAND!"

**Made it from the bottom  
**"SHUT UP!"

**Now when you see me I'm stunning  
**"No, you look stupid."

**And all of my cars start with the push up a button  
**"What's a car?"

**Telling me the chances I blew up or whatever you call it  
**"I think 100 chances."

**Switched the number to my phone  
**"What's a phone?"

**So you never could call it  
**"Is it like a Den-Den Mushi?"

**Don't need my name on my show  
**"You have a show?"

**You can tell it I'm ballin'  
**"You don't have any balls."

**Swish, what a shame could have got picked  
**"I did."

**Had a really good game but you missed your last shot  
**"When?"

**So you talk about who you see at the top  
**"Probably Marine Admiral Sengoku."

**Or what you could've saw  
**"Don't say yourself."

**But sad to say it's over for  
**"I'M DEAD?"

**Phantom pulled up valet open doors  
**"I AM!"

**Wiz like go away, got what you was looking for  
**"The All Blue? You found it?"

**Now ask me who they want  
**"NOT ROBIN-CHWAN OR NAMI-SWAN!"

**So you can go and take that little piece of sh*t with you**_  
_"THEY AREN'T SHIT! YOU SHITTY MOSSHEAD!"_  
I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
_"Oh dear Kami! You again?"

_All of my change I spent on you  
_"Please, shut up!"

_Where have the times gone  
_"They went out the window while you guys were singing!"

_Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?  
_"So you two are gay?"_  
If happy ever after did exist  
_"Urgh!"

_I would still be holding you like this  
_"Gimme a moment, and I'll be holding both of you in a choke hold!"

_All those fairytales are full of sh*t  
_"SHUT UP!"

_One more stupid love song I'll be sick  
_"Does Kami hate me?"_  
Now I'm at a payphone..._

At this point, Zoro had fallen back asleep and Sanji had passed out.

"Oi! Shut up!" Nami walked out.

"Oh. Hey Luffy, was there some noise coming from here a moment ago?" Luffy smiled, then did that little signature laugh of his.

"'Course not! Are you okay? Maybe you should have Chopper look at your ears, we don't want our Navigator to get sick!"

"_Okay…both Kami and Karma hate me…I'll never make a fruits and vegetables dinner only ever again…"_


	2. Revenge

Sanji's Revenge. Song: Alice Human Sacrifice, by some Vocaloids. And I don't own any Vocaloids, sooooo…

Hi KimyonaGirl! Ack! It's been a month? Sorry, I've been…pretty busy. Angst, camps, school ending…oh, and a couple blisters on my right pointer finger. Meh.

So, this is the next chapter, since KimyonaGirl gave me inspiration. This actually came out of a dream I had (NO PUNS), and i've had it for a while, so this is gonna be kinda creepy horror-y? meh.

* * *

Sanji was pissed. Very, very pissed. Why? Well, if ya read the last chapter (Duh?) you would know it's because Zoro and Luffy made him pass out and puke by SINGING. And then when he woke up in the infirmary, no one would believe him. Well, he though Robin did, but he wasn't sure. So when Ace and Shika dropped by, Ace to check on Luffy and Shika because she was bored, he was the first person to get to them. Or so he thought. Really, as soon as Luffy even thought he saw Ace he would go crazy, so Sanji was the second person to get to him, and to Shika on that matter as well. Though he still managed to convince the two that he was innocent and not trying to frame the other two of the Monster Trio, so he was happy. Now, he just had to find a way to get back at them, which Ace, Shika, and surprisingly Robin chose to help him with. So they created a horrible, horrible plan, that required each of them, Robin for her Devil Fruit, Ace for his, Sanji for his, well duh, revenge, and Shika for her powers of awesomeness, which included being awesome at singing. Sometimes. The plan was set into action a week after they had left The Island Of Awesome Random Stuff, and during a full moon, which was good for Shika, since then she was really, _really_ hyper, and her powers were at full strength.

It began with Robin screaming.

"Robin!" The crew plus Ace, shaking off their sleep, shot out into the open, searching wildly for the owner of the screaming, who they found on the figure head being held by a dark figure.

"Robin! Hold on!" Ace hurtled towards the figure, flames streaming from him, only to pass right through it, and fall into the sea below!

"ACE!" Once more, a collective shout was torn from the crew. Sanji rushed towards the side of the Sunny and jumped into the dark waters. As he did, tentacles of shadows slowly began to climb up the side of the Sunny, as Robin and the creature disappeared into the slowly growing wall. The remaining crew tore apart to each side of the ship, staring at the walls that were growing out of nothing. Then, a strange, serpentine voice began to speak.

_"Somewhere, there was a tiny dream. Such a tiny dream it was, _

_No one knew who had dreamt it. The tiny dream began to think. _

_'I don't want to disappear this way. _

_How can I make people dream of me?' _

_The tiny dream thought and thought, and then came up with an idea. _

_'I'll make humans get lost in me, and let them create the world.'" _

A strange sound began, like a jumping rabbit hopping from one rubber drum to another. Unnoticed by the crew, a small tentacle began to grow from the now complete wall behind Nami.

_The first Alice bravely entered Wonderland, sword in hand. _

_Cutting down countless creatures, she left a bright red path in her wake. _

_That Alice is in the forest,_

"Hm?" Nami slowly turned around.

_Locked away like a criminal. _

_Aside from the path she made in the forest, there is no sign that she existed._

With a slight gasp she disappeared, covered in shadows.

"Huh? Nami, are you okay?" Chopper turned towards where Nami was once standing, only to find that she had disappeared.

"NAMI!"

The voice started again, but this time…deeper, and frailer.

_The second Alice meekly sang a song in Wonderland. _

_Spreading out countless notes, he gave birth to a mad world. _

"Guys, stay sharp! Whatever that thing is, it got Nami!" Luffy shouted as the six remaining formed a circle in the grass.

A small, childish voice spoke.

"**heehee! You should hurry, you only have until the end of the song to get yours crewmates! So sad though, that means that no matter what you do, you're going to lose two crew members!"**

The deep voice began once more, his notes crawling through the air.

_That Alice was a rose, _

_Shot down by a madman. _

_He makes one bright red flower bloom, and admired by all he withers._

"FRANKY!"

"What?" Zoro, Chopper, Brooke and Luffy turned towards Usopp, who trembled on the ground, watching Franky disappear into darkness.

This time, the young voice that had warned them began the third verse.

_The third Alice was a young girl, a beautiful figure in Wonderland. _

_Deceiving countless people, she created a strange country. _

_That Alice was the country's queen, _

"We can't stop it! Hell, I can't even tell who it's gonna take next!" Zoro ground out, a sword in each hand, while a small skinny shadow stretched from each of his katana's shadows silently towards the oldest member of the crew.

_Possessed by a warped dream. _

_Fearing her decaying body, she ruled from the summit of the country. _

Zoro turned at the last moment to see Brooke collapse and shatter into black shards as he hit the deck. "NO! DAMMIT!"

This time two very young voices began, one female, the other male.

_Following the small path through the forest, having tea beneath the rosebush _

_The invitation card from the palace was the Ace of Hearts_

The note dragged out, sounding sour and twisted at the end.

"SECOND GEAR!"

Was all that managed to be said before the song began again and as two arms sprouted behind Usopp and Chopper in their respective shadows.

_The fourth Alice was twin children, entering Wonderland out of curiosity. _

_Passing through countless doors, they had only just recently come. _

_**A stubborn older sister**__ and an _**intelligent younger brother.**

_They came the closest to being the true Alice, but... _

_They won't wake from their dream. They're lost in Wonderland._

"AAAIIIEEEE!"

Zoro and Luffy whirled around, only to find that not just one of the others, but both of them were sinking through the floor, covered in shadow-y appendages.

"NO!" Luffy screamed, falling to his knees. "NO, NO, NO, NONONO!"

Zoro stood still, too shocked to notice that light was beginning to filter though the dome. "W-…Why?"

Then the dome shattered. All around them were raging white flames, somehow not burning the ship. In the distance directly in front of the Sunny's figurehead, a small black dot appeared, rapidly growing larger, before turning into a giant seething black wave. Zoro and Luffy turned to it as a lean, skinny, and tall figure grew from the masts shadow in front of them. The creature grinned, its teeth unnaturally white and wide. The mouth opened and spoke in a familiar voice of one shit-cook just before the wave over took the Sunny.

"April Fools, Luffy, Zoro."

* * *

oh, i feel evil...don't worry, the wave wasn't actually a wave, it was a shadow of one that shocked Zoro and Luffy into fainting. and Sanji was the guy that spoke at the end, duh, Ace did the flames, Shika did the awesomeness and the shdows, plus she was the singer, execept for the twins, at that time Sanji was the male voice. and Robin was the one that was kidnapped (...duh? again?) and she did the arms thing with Chopper and Usopp. was this good? im not sure. review for another one!

(p.s., now that i think about it, there is a OP Alice Human Sacrifice on Youtube. go check it out! now! shoo! why are you reading this? oh yeah, review first of course!)


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